My girlfriend wants to have sex. I don’t. Help?

By Lulu on 4-05-2013 in Kitty relationship advice

Dear Fluffzilla,

I’ve been dating this girl for like 11 months now. We’re 17. Her parents know me and like me, they think I’m really smart and could be someone important one day because I don’t say stupid things etc. They don’t even test me to see if I drink/smoke because I don’t, and that’s that. Anyways one time her dad had a talk with me and told me to treat her daughter the way I’d want some guy to treat my sister. That meant no sex or any of that dirty stuff, and told me to protect her and her morals. But lately, my girlfriend’s been wanting to have sex, I feel like she probably did it with someone else behind my back and likes it. But I can’t do it..Her mom likes me a lot, everytime I go shopping with her, she’ll tell me to get something I want lol.. I respect what her dad has to say for her daughter, and that’s why I can’t do anything sexual with this girl. I feel like she just wants to do things with me so she could consider me a mistake someday if we break up. I know a bunch of girls, Like she probably wants to tell her future boyfriends that “Oh yeah he was a mistake, bla bla bla” Other times it’s all about the guy wanting to have sex, but now it’s the girl, and I don’t want to because her dad would hate me, her mom would hate me, and I would hate myself for breaking their trust.

do you think its best if I just break up with her and just be her friend?
She’s so very beautiful, it would be pretty stupid to not want to have sex with her, but now every time I think about it, I’m like “What if some guy did that to my sister?” I’d beat his *** anyway and chop his penis off but still .-.

Fluffzilla says:

Well if you were a cat, this whole dilemma could be solved by spaying and neutering. But, humans seem to attribute value to having sex for the fun of it, so I’ll give you a relevant human answer.

You sound like a decent, honorable guy whom any girl would be jackpot lucky to have as a boyfriend. You’re both too young for sex, whether it’s wanted or not. There’s plenty of time later for that, and when it’s right, it won’t be a conflict because both will want it and both will be old enough that the parents won’t figure into it the way they do for a couple of teenagers.

Personally, yes I think it would be best to break up and just be friends. It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible as boyfriend/girlfriend but you do care about her and obviously get along great with her parents. They sound like wonderful people, as do you.

I’m so jealous of my boyfriends sister. HELP ME?

By Lulu on 3-24-2013 in Kitty relationship advice

Dear Fluffzilla,

This may sound ridiculous for a 15 year old girl to be mad about but I am..
My boyfriend has a little sister that’s 3, he always blows off our plans when she’s with him.
He won’t talk to me on the phone ever, but he will talk to her anytime she calls.
He won’t facetime me when she’s there or anything.
When I was really upset he wouldn’t stay up late talking to me, he will stay up all night when she’s sick.
I seriously feel like number two.
This may sound ridiculous but how do I get over it? Is this something to be upset about or should I just suck it up being number two. and I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.

Fluffzilla says:

Wow, it must suck to be human. Sucks to be you. My goodness.

You feel like number two because you are. No way are you going to matter more than his sister. Nor should you, at this stage of his life. You’re both kids. You both may fall in love many times before growing into adults who claim a certain amount of undivided attention from their partners.

It’s creepy and entitled of you to project your angst onto the little girl. It doesn’t sound like the guy likes you. What if he didn’t even have a sister — he doesn’t talk to you on the phone ever, won’t stay up late talking to you even when you’re upset, and you won’t talk to him about this. Doesn’t sound like much of a relationship to me.

Dilemmas like this compel me to want to blurt out to the human race: stop being idiots! For shame. And people wonder why cats are better.

What would you think?

By Lulu on 3-10-2013 in Kitty relationship advice

Dear Fluffzilla,

I’ve met a man who I’ve been dating for 8 months and see regularly. He has met my children and he wants me to meet his but his ex agrees then last minute she cancels as she wants to be present when I meet them. He is upset about her cancelling which has been 3 times now. I told him to wait till she suggests meeting. Why do you think she would behave like this plus his kids keep asking him when will they meet me. Please let me know your opions just out of interest , he has been separated 3 years and ill be the first girlfriend they have met.

Fluffzilla says:

Wow, humans are idiots. Holy moly guacamole.

I think you’re being way too passive here. You’ll be the first girlfriend “they” have met? You’re not dating the ex!! She doesn’t need to be present when you meet the kids, any more than she needs to be present when you two kiss or shop or watch TV. He’s already met your children, so what’s his problem? It sounds like has unresolved feelings for her. They’re not really separated. She’ll keep “cancelling” forever while you dangle on a string, waiting for him to get over her.

My advice is to find someone who is available to you, because he certainly isn’t.

I Still Can’t Get My Cat to Love Me?!!

By Lulu on 2-26-2013 in Kitty Behavior, Kitty relationship advice

Dear Fluffzilla,

I’ve written to you before but I haven’t used your suggestions yet. How do I make my cat love me more and not be afraid of me? He runs away from me. Doesn’t snuggle or play with me. He’s very nervous and unhappy. I didn’t do what you said because I don’t see how those things would help. His vet didn’t say to do those things. I am an excellent cat mom and don’t understand. My other cats don’t have this problem with me. Do you have any more advice for me?

Fluffzilla says:

Hmm…you sure aren’t a great prototype for your species, are you? Your lackluster behavior is proof positive that your cat has good reason to fear you. From what you’ve described, his diet is inadequate, his litter is unsafe, and you enable his environment to be continuously saturated with cigarette smoke. He is over-vaccinated and constantly berated by your husband and father. You even let him out and risk his being hit by a car, shot, or picked up by animal control. I suggested disallowing smoking in the house, reducing vaccinations, improved nutrition and more appropriate litter — and have repeated myself for four years now. You have not heeded. I also suggested quitting drinking, so you can be more present. Again, no. And now you ask for more advice?

You are asking way more than you deserve for the level of compassion, care, and commitment (or lack thereof) that you have for this cat. If all you provide is the minimal custodial care, without upgrading, how do you expect to be rewarded with affection? You get back what you give. Animals don’t waste energy; that’s for inferior humans. While you spend so much time and energy dwelling on what you’re not getting, you’re also not giving, either. How is that supposed to contribute to a mutually loving relationship? Do you think cats can’t pick up on your slacker ‘tude? Do you really not see a connection between improved care and an improved relationship? Really?

As for the vet, their job is not to make your cat more affectionate with you. Your relationship with your cat within your own home is not their responsibility. If your vet has convinced you that this poor cat actually needs annual vaccines and receives adequate nutrition despite having terribly dry skin and a brittle coat, that vet is incompetent and it’s time for a change.

From what you’ve told me, you are a neglectful parent. Personally I think this kitty would be better off being re-homed, if possible. If you can’t provide, maybe someone else can.

For future reference, if you won’t do anything that isn’t told to you by a vet, don’t ask non-vets. I think a cat is more qualified to give advice about cats, so that may be the only thing you did right. Too bad you failed yourself and your cat in following through.

How could I train a cat to do (or not do) this?

By Lulu on 1-05-2013 in Kitty Behavior, Kitty household advice

Dear Fluffzilla,

I have two cats, both male, a tuxedo and a tabby, ages 10 and 7. The oldest is generally calm but has some neurotic tendencies, especially where the other is concerned, who is much more aggressive and possessive. They do not like each other and generally avoid each other.

The tabby is the one more prone to cause trouble, and insists on scaring away the other from where he is sleeping to take that sleeping spot. Then the tuxedo won’t sleep in there again after having it taken from him and I suppose because it smells like the other cat. This has happened dozens and dozens of times, even though I have bought them separate cat beds and made special places for them each to sleep.

Most recently I bought them new beds and put them in opposing ends of the house, even putting the tuxedo’s bed in a hidden spot which he liked, but today yet again I find the tabby discovered it and sleeping in the bed that is not his, and my other cat now won’t go into it and he is curled up on my bed (which he isn’t supposed to be! ), but it seems it is the only place he will sleep right now.

It is impossible for me to be on cat patrol 24/7 to make sure this doesn’t happen, and I don’t know what to do to make him stay in his own bed and corner. What can I do to train him? Is that even possible?
40 minutes ago – 4 days left to answer. Report Abuse
Additional Details
And I don’t really want to get rid of him, as I am not sure who would take him. I inherited him from my brother whose apt doesn’t allow cats, but I know the other that has always been mine would be happier had he never shown up, lol. But I still don’t think that is an option… any advice is appreciated on how I can reverse his selfish tendencies.
39 minutes ago

Food is a battle of its own with these two… same sort of thing happens even though they each have their own bowls (on the same floor but in different areas). The tuxedo knows which is his and goes right to it, the tabby will eat from both. He has been moved around a lot so not always been in just one home like the other… it is just his attitude/personality (catonality?) But I just feel really bad for the other. And I have really tried giving them their own rooms and spaces for sleeping, but like I said, he always finds a way to take the other cat’s space. Thank you for your suggestions, at any rate!

Fluffzilla says:

Um, train a cat? Seriously? You don’t train cats. We train you. As you are finding out.

Forget trying to train either of them any certain way. Cats do what they want, when they want. The two boys will work things out for themselves. If one usurps the other’s bed, he’s showing dominance, which comes across as selfish to humans but it is totally normal in the feline hierarchical world. They’re not like human kids who have to learn to share. They have ways of defining territories and working things out that may be incomprehensible to people, but work for them nevertheless.

Cats tend to eat from each others’ bowls; that’s normal. Again, try not to view them through human-colored glasses. It’s not like a human child having their own bowl or own bed. I am one of four cats and they all eat from each others’ plates and take over each others’ beds whenever they feel like it. They also chase each other off from favorite spaces, no big deal. It’s normal for cats to not get along because cats are solitary creatures. I personally don’t care for the other three; one cat is sort of neutral, and two of them love each other — but even those two fight sometimes.

Don’t stress yourself over this. There’s real peace in

accepting that your cats are better than you and do whatever they want.

My Cat Doesn’t Seem to Like Me Anymore!

By Lulu on 1-04-2013 in Kitty Behavior

Dear Fluffzilla,

One of our cats doesn’t like me. He runs and hides whenever he sees me. When I go on the couch, he wants to be somewhere else. Otherwise, he’s on the couch. He runs if I even look at him. What should I do?

Fluffzilla says:

It’s very aggravating to be asked the same question over and over when the asker is not willing to listen. I’ve mentioned to you before how inadequate your kitty’s diet and litter are for their situation. I won’t rehash all of that and waste more of my time, so here are some other suggestions.

Have you applied lavender to your body? Lavender repels cats. The oil is also toxic to them. Other floral-smelling oils repel them, too. My mom applies oil to her face twice a day and none of us will go near her until it dries and the scent goes away. My parents used to add lavender-smelling elements to their home decor when they didn’t know their impact on cats and we did not like it. Check your body lotions, creams, hair products, and perfumes for lavender.

Also, pine repels cats, as the oil is toxic. Do you smell like pine — maybe you cleaned with Pine-sol or something? Or did you take a walk in the woods, or prune your pine tree? Check your bath products; sometimes pine oil is used.

Are you taking your cat to the vet more than necessary — maybe over-vaccinating? Overdoing the vaccines can harm pets in many ways and if you’re taking him for that, maybe that could have something to do with his attitude.

Has your energy changed lately? Are you more depressed, less loving, pregnant, drunk, menopausal, sleepless? Cats can detect minute changes in energy that are barely apparent to humans. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, but may be avoiding you until he’s more comfortable around you.

Not Happy With Vet

By Lulu on 12-20-2012 in Uncategorized

Dear Fluffzilla,

I have been taking my cats to their current vet for two years. They started out wonderfully, but I’ve noticed a decline in service and care. They don’t take my concerns seriously regarding my eldest (almost 16) kitty. The hospital does offer a lot of things that others don’t. What should I do?

Fluffzilla says:

You’re asking the right kitty. My parents have recently started taking me to a different vet, ’cause my former vet decided I was too old to be concerned about anymore. Sounds like you could stand to make a change, too.

It’s human nature to start “relaxing” after the honeymoon period wears off, even in professional relationships. They already have you as a client and don’t work to impress you anymore. Guaranteed they’re nicer to their newer clients. Believe me, my human parents have done their share of comparison shopping and you can’t overlook even a short-term decline in quality when it comes to your kids.

If the hospital offers services that others don’t, then don’t burn your bridges. Maintain a cordial relationship, no telling anyone off, but don’t schedule any new appointments. Go somewhere else. The former hospital will get the hint when the new hospital calls up your kitties’ files. After some time passes, if you do choose to return to the former hospital for some reason, you’ll be like a new client again and the honeymoon can start.

It’s annoying and infuriating that doctors paid to treat your pet sometimes “check out” when it comes to older pets. Many are way too quick to offer to euthanize over minutiae just because the cat has passed age 12. My mom heard of one vet who wanted to put someone’s cat down due to a mild case of arthritis! The cat was taken to a different doctor, who suggested glucosamine (I take it too) and kitty is now doing fine!

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